Invisible

Sometimes , i feel i m a very very cruel friend

I felt guilty for not telling anyone about my condition before i left....(Dont blame me, my parents wanted me to keep this as a secret ! )

I just disappeared..blink! just like that..

I m really missing college life..

Sigh, now i have to trap myself in my own world..

How long should i have to suffer ??

The doctor never console me when i m sad..but talk some nonsense things.

Everytime i ask them when i ll recover but they give me cruel excuses and spoilt my mood !!

--------------------------------------------------

Few days ago, i just had a chat with my paktou..hehe

I told her i wanna have a simple birthday celebration at my house..(hope this plan will be goin well without any interruption)

But i dont want the celebration to be mine at all..

I ll be cooking some healthy and nutritious food that i learnt from the TV show to appreciate all the people who had been by my side...

If u r reading this, u ll be invited to my house if i have confirm :)

U may try to cook some but those normal party foods are strictly prohibited(i guess u know)...hehe...

I m goin to call up some close friends and v gonna have pillow talks at night with our pyjamas....

Weeeeee~~so anticipating now !! keke

I used to think that my birthday should be celebrate in happening places like TGI Fri, Jogoya, Tony Roma...etc

But now i dont think so ..

Havin a simple celebration with homemade food are the most lovely little party

most importantly, celebrating with family and friends that i trusted the most !!

=)

P/s: i m goin to continue dreaming !! :P

Quickie =)

Krispy Kreme just opened in Times Square today !!


Aww... *HINT **HINT*

*hint* Bring me a dozen if u wanna c my face !! Muahaha....

The doughnuts wit cinnamon flavour and apple fillings are soo irresistible !!

:P :P :P :P :P

Chaos in my mind

hopefully i can recover completely before my birthday !

Then i can have a super huge celebration....Wee~~

I have so many plans in my mind..

Just knew that there are cheap flight to Mel this comin Sept which was a good news to me..

Please dont spoilt my plan,Dear God ! =)

If i could receive chemo even faster,i wouldnt mind to suffer more..so i wont feel afraid all the time and i can recover even faster!

I hope my hair could grow even bushy..so i can comb my hair back ! *wink*

I want to cook...there are so many recipes in my mind that i learnt from Rachael Ray showww.....

I should have plan a diet timetable for myself..My meal is so messy now...GRrr

I miss coleslaw and sandwiches ..When can i eat raw vegetables ?? T_T

Yes, stop thinking ! Back to rest ! *knock my head*hehe

Bless me ~~

ChewLian

"Live like you're dying and never stop trying"

My fav person is coming back !! my paktou btw...

my paktou is the girl who are wearing green cardigan..keke....i miss her sooooooo much !She taught me alot of things , so i m very appreciate what she ve done to me ! hehe...I cant wait to c u , MINNIE MOUSE !!! XD miss you ....

Gambateh, sensei ! I know you can do it !

---------------------------------------------

Some questions really bothering me many many years...Some of you knew me that i dont like to talk about high school memories because i dont like it. Of course there are good memories but i never really remember it..

U may knew that i m very cautious for every friend i know or i just know..I scare someday i might be hurt very badly . I m very careful for whatever i do and i talk.sometimes, I tried to believe them and i tried to let go but i just cant do it.

Its been a long time ........Should i or should i not ??

My Hair did Grew..WEE !!

Oh !! Bless me !
My hair did grew a lil bit !
Okaay , I look like Rugrat now..haha..
Of course i m not goin to show you my photos..
I looked so ugly without hair..

so, how are you guys ?

I had been gone to hospital for 6 days..u must be miss me a lot huh !6days only, most of my friends finished their 1st year degrees..AWww...i m so envious of u guys ! Some prepare to come home, some prepare to go overseas,some prepare for their finals...haisss....So sad now ~

Do u understand how i feel? Life without education and college life is so so so so dull ! so meaningless to sit at home like a pig and still have to suffer in hospital monthly !!

forget about it..if i think even more , i ll get depression in the future..phew !

These 6 days passed really fast although i felt slow in the hospital.....I m suppose to live 3 days but the doc...Aww..long story...i m phobic of staying in hospital...i cant even sleep well and keep looking at the window to wait for the sun rise everyday.......in the ward, i m considered the least serious patient..So, i just felt uncomfortable when i saw new leukemia patients.so sad ..They gonna have long way to go....Make me recalled of my bad days in hospital only...T_T

Stop talking other patients ! They are just so pathetic and will make u cry when u think of them !

when i came out of the hospital , i never realise that the temperature outside the ward are so much higher than inside the ward ! When i went back, i kept apply Cool Fever on my forehead,put the wet hand towel on myhead and i kept taking shower...This is the worst chemo i ever had, I feel like it was burning my body...so so freaking hot...

Dont worry , i m feeling better now after i drank alot of fruit juices and water ....phew !

goin to rest now ..bubbly byeeee..love ya !

Manic Monday

Woke up at 6.15 am ..
Prepared to go the hospital....Aww..
So lazy to drag myself to the hospital
The most unpleasant place to visit T_T

So, i waited and waited and waited ....
Zzzzz...After two hours..finally i m being called to see the doctor


The reports out..
sounds good..but not good enough... Hmm...
50% of my tumor already clear..


Then Dr Tan said he need to change some stronger chemo now..
i might suffer more...
so i cried out like hell...I m so phobic of chemo now....so scare
wondering which vein m i goin to use since most of the veins are hard now (the veins on my hand)
still abit phobic of needle...(considering chemo port on my chest )

But the nurse are very supportive..she sayang sayang me :)
she said : y r u crying ? ur disease is the easiest disease to cure. There are more people who are less fortunate than you ...dont cry lar.. (okayyy, i knew i m daddy's daughter and i m like crying baby)
Daddy saw me cried oso tak sampai hati ....:(
Sorry for makin u worry... :)
I ll try to be brave again !!

Doc said i need 2 more chemo..
Each chemo i have to stay in ward for 3 days respectively...
He wanted all the tumor inside my body clear completely in this 2 chemo..
Then , i ll go for PET Scan in Putrajaya...


I should be happy..since i dont need to take so many chemos...i should be optimistic...but why i m i still scare? I had been gone through 8 times of chemos, surgery,needles...just two only.y i m worry ??



I ll be in ward soon..but i dont know when(waiting calls from ward :) )... and i dont know when can i blog back...dont worry, very sooooooonnn..Now, i need to sleeeeeeeppppppp...its 10.30pm now..hehe... tata~~

MIssssss me lots lots yea

-xoxo-

RUN CHEWLIAN RUN !!

The Sunday

Awww..

so fast two weeks have passed ...
I haven enjoy enough yet ler ..T_T
I do really hope my reports are fine..
Bless meee , dear God...




Oh o...u might not believe that i m super super in love with the high waist skirts...
They are hot items on the web......
Mayb i should stop reading VIVI magazine...
All those clothes are so so so ...................undescribeable..haha..OMG...
Havin a big closet with lots of clothes was my dream.........

*Bang* stop dreaming...u are broke now..




FYI, i m not really broke officially
Cuz i so need to save money for my pink camera...
Somemore i need to control my spendings...
I have to stop buying useless stuffs...

Yes, u r goin to be mine ssssssssoooooooonnnnnnnnnn....keke *devil laugh*

My parcel reached Malaysia safely..butttt....the parcel is in the post office now..eventually, they did sent to my house, but i m not at home..T_T..I want want my chiffon skirttttttt......... Sobss......hm...wat about breaking into the post office...*Giggling*..not a bad idea huh?? :P

So sad..no more hair now....Whenever i saw long curl hair in the magazine, i m so envious....faster faster grow hair..I think i wanna go YunNan Haircare . So my hair can grow really really fast.....hahahahaha..I so hate to wear the cap around whereever i go.......

And my stupid sista wants my botak head picture...she wanna keep it as memory pulak..*knock your head* :P..I dont wanna keep ugly pic as my memory........So sad to reminisce about it ler............

I hate people staring at me..I dont mind if u just glance...but dont la stare at me like i m a crime..Sick people cannot go out shopping meh??

Grrr...to some typical Malaysianss..haiss......Could u just stop staring people and mind your business...Omg....................so rude to stare at people lar....ARGH!! I could feel that so many pairs of eyes following me ..........

Watever ! I just wanna complain and then forget about it..haha...

The Climb

This song was recommend by my bestie, The Climb by Miley Cyrus for Hannah Montana: The Movie
When i first heard this song..omg..so inspirative...She totally sang out what i feel now...
Thumbs up !! must listen song !!


Lyrics | Miley Cyrus Lyrics | The Climb Lyrics

New Hope

Next Mon..
Very important...
The Ct Scan results will determine how much of chemo do i need....
i m so worryyyyyyyyyy.....T_T Sobss..


I dont wanna go hospital anymore..
I m phobic of the smell of chemo...
I m phobic of the pain..
Could u plz stop torturing me ??!!

I saw the sun just aroused in the early morning. So i decided to capture down this beautiful sky. I think to myself : I saw new hope ! *a big smile on my face*

I need to learn from 90 year-old Ah Ma. She is so so so strong. She think positively and smile and laugh.I hope she can be my Ah Ma so i can be pamper by her...hehe...Love you, ah ma..hope to see you again in the park , so v can have the Hainan versus Hokkien chit chat...keke... XD *WINK*

Sleeeping Beauty

Some people think that napping is good , but some are not...
take me for an example.


I napped these two days because :

-no internet
-too tired after exercised
-eat too much
-laziness
-lack of sleep

so unhealthy me ! Yealar..been worrying of CT Scan ...SIghhhhhhhhh

----------------------------

me finally watched Confessions of A Shopaholic with Shinyee and Cat

woooot...super super excited...
quite nice...super super like her pink dress..so many layers of colours inside...
soooooooooo adorable...........Magic cards are amazing , ya'll know?? haha
I saw some of my shadows in her..for those who knew me well *Giggling*
Yes, i swiped my dad magic card secretly..but y my parcel haven reach yet !!!
the custom damn slow weh...its been 2 days stucked in post office ...WTH are they doin ??

------------------------------------------

got an email which i posted two days ago..

she s a Lymphoma survivor ...

so warm..i mean the content of the email.....hehe

Here it goes :::

Besides my faith in Christianity, below are the things that i found so precious to me.

You are precious jewel. The future for you is so bright.
Stay healthy is so good. We are so young, that we can do a lot of things.
Surely, you still have a lot of time to really encounter the happiness with your loved one in the near future. The world is wonderful, still many things for me explore. You too.

There are a lot of success stories around.

Colon cleansing, changing habits, these are not happen within a day. Just step by step.

Colon cleansing, i am doing it even now, because i think it is something enjoyable and nice as i can throw out unnecessary thing in the stomach. Look younger, good complacence and pretty, why not? Some Hong Kong actress also did so. Just that mine is a DIY style.

it is not 9kg of the juices, just 9kg of vegies and fruits in juices. (Hello, 1 coconut also near 1kg+, i drunk a lot coconut drink and a bit of the fresh to get rid of the heatiness after chemo). And you are not doing it just by today. Maybe today 3kg, then slowly lo... I am sure we Malaysian like food, doing it more adventurous, try different combination, surely you get some u like - tomatoes with green apples is so so nice.

You are young teenage so it is even more easy. Now i am approaching 30, i tell u, i am so admire u, the young one.

What u need are:
1. Know that u are precious, being loved.
2. Rest and good sleep.
3. Eat healthy and good exercise.
4. Output the toxide.
5. Being real happy (real happy not coming from food; why u turn to food?); forgiveness towards others, more importantly, yourself. Share with others.

Last but not least, you are precious!

God bless u! Wish you a speedy recovery.When u recover, and when I looked back, (hmm..i actually not so remember about all the sad things), in fact, all things happened was nothing compare to the life i enjoying now.

All the best,
Sian Lin

P/S: I m so glad to received her email...So so so thank you that she gave me alot of information about her experience..........

Tak malu :P

Av morning is a beautiful kick start for meeeeeeeeee.....

As always, i walked alone in the park after the Qi gong class...

I was like a kid and played the swing like nobody cares ..haha

Who said the swing is only for kids ? :P

I like to play the swing by watching the beautiful big sky....

I walked alone with my hottie babe, mp3 ...

and it played the song "What a Wonderful World" by Ray Charles..

i really tak malu lar...i was humming the song while walking towards my car...

I was too concentrate that i dont even an aunt was behind me...

When i sensed someting...i turned around

OOOOH MMMYYYY GGGOODD !!

Aww..so embarrassing ! That aunt might think i crazy or wat or i hav psycho prob ...haha

Anyway, humming in the park had became one of my habit when no people around me....

We are still soooooo young,...

Sometimes, its cool to do some crazy stuffs , dont we??

-------------------------------------------

There's a pharmacist told me that, i should be grateful to be sick . We (sick people) are the angels who were blessed by the God. We were here to help the people.sound so Christian btw...Dont forget , i m Buddhist. but , i wouldn't mind . Because I love to be an A-N-G-E-L

Good Deed

*internet sucks..indeed, i m complaining again ! :P

If i could help one people a day, i guess i m the happiest person in my life...
I had a meaningful weekdays...

Let me tell u this :

Last Wed, i guess, i dont really rmb...I saw my neighbour(an old man) and his wife in the park, he's one of my previous classmate's father and my dad's friend's husband btw...okie...sounds complicated...If not mistaken, this old man's nerve in his brain is abit damaged, so he couldnt control himself physically and mentally lar...I m pretty surprised that he recognized me and he pointed at me although i saw him a few times in my dad's temple =). At first, i was quite scare because he always say some nonsense things since he cant controlled his mind. He requested me to hold his hand tightly and walked around the park.I was quite worried about him too as his wife is not around that time. When i walked him to the car, he suddenly said something out of my expectation : Thank you ! (for many times) o__O That' s really touching me , and this made me smileeeeee all the day !!

Besides, currently i knew a breast cancer patient in the park, i guess she s my mum's age now . I gave her some psychology counselling(writing therapy, healing) and teach her how to eat well and introduce her the health products that i personally highly recommended and experienced... But she likes to talk psycho thing with me,she shared her probs with me. And she even invited me to her house to talk some good things to her daughter(a rebellious young teenager) which i dont think i m qualified enough since i m not a good role model :).

Helping people is the best things in my life......

Life, very unexpected. You wouldnt know u might die tomorrow.No matter something bad or good happen, i think we should face them with courage and accept the fact . People around me gave me support directly and indirectly ,i should continue to live instead of thinking the death :-) .God gave me a big present and now i m even have a better understanding about L-I-F-E

D-H-A. We should drink Enfagrow right ??

D- Dreams
H-Hopes
A-Aspirations

I would like to c rainbow once again ;)

P/S : So in love with Jolin new song, 妥协 *WINKIE* . I think i should write an article to the SInChew newspaper. :)

Boogie oogie oogie

Boogie oogie oogie *Hugh Laurie's style*
u guys must be missing me so muchie..

Yeap, the bloody internet sucksss..
Making me lost of inspiration to blog at night
Besides, since i change to this blog, i lazy to log in to blog..haha..wat a joke !

I like Ugly Betty even moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
so cute......currently watching the 3rd Season...
I know i m always outdated...
i dont even have astro at home ..GRrr

i m so so so so so so in love with anna nalick song- Breathe..
I m like singing it avday like no one business...i guess my younger sis feel like strangle me now..
Anyway, still trying to memorize the lyrics..so cool huh XD


Bought 2 shirts and 1 high waist skirt and 1 chiffon high waist skirt..
from Gmarket again..
Ooooopppsssssss, i just swiped the card..
waiting for him to chop my head off.........Arrgghh
hahahaha..........who cares?? but cant wait for my parcel !!!! :P

the end...
continue when i m in the mood :)